ࡱ> }   !"#$%&'()*+,-./0123456789:;<=>?@ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ[\]^_`abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz{|~Root Entry FWAwlWordDocument YCompObj^ putting a NEW band together. I got an ad in the paper but so far I haven't meet anyone who I LIKED. DARCI Yeah, well -- you always think that either no one's good enough for you or everyone's out to screw you! CHIP No, the only one out to screw me is you! Or not screw me -- (he ponders this) which in a sense is screwing me...metaphorically speaking. DARCI Whatever...Meanwhile, when are you going to get a real job? CHIP I already have a job. I teach guitar AND I build websites. So, what's your point? DARCI Don't delude yourself. You have a couple of crappy students and when's the last time you got any new business? CHIP For your information I got a new account today. That's what I was going to tell you with these... He presents the flowers and candy. DARCI Well it's too little too late. I need someone...who's an adult, not a child. Half the time I feel like I'm your mother not your girlfriend. CHIP What's that supposed to mean? DARCI I mean -- it's time to grow up. CHIP Well, what makes you think you're so great? You work in a fucking office answering god-damn telephones all day. Oh, whop-dee-do! DARCI Hey, not like it's your business or anything, but I'm going back to school to become a dental hygienist and Greg's going to help me do that. CHIP That's a beautiful story...Good for you. 4B) FRONT DOOR AREA - MED. SHOT Darci moves toward the front door. DARCI You know what? I don't like your attitude. This isn't healthy so I'll be back for the rest of my stuff later, when you're not here. CHIP What about the flowers I bought you? Doesn't this mean anything to you? DARCI I hate flowers you should know that by now, but I will take the candy. 5) INT. APARTMENT BUILDING - FRONT DOOR - HALLWAY MED. SHOT looking up toward door from stairs. She snatches the candy from his hands. He follows her out to the hallway and throws the flowers at her but she's already clearly out of range. CHIP I DON'T NEED YOU ANYWAYS! I WAS FINE ON MY OWN BEFORE I MET YOU AND I'LL BE EVEN BETTER AFTER YOU'RE GONE, TRUST ME ON THAT! CHIP (V.O.) So that was that...two years down the drain and I was a "Free Man" again whether I wanted to be or not...I should have seen this coming. DISSOLVE TO: 6)INT. CHIP'S APARTMENT - NIGHT (SEVERAL WEEKS AGO) MED. TWO SHOT - Chip and Darci are on the couch together relaxing and watching TV. CHIP Hey, hun can you rub my back a little? It really hurts...I must have pulled something. DARCI What about me? I've been on my feet all day! Why don't you rub my feet first? CHIP Alright...fine. He starts massaging her feet and one thing leads to another. He is starting to get in the mood and has forgotten about his sore back. CHIP Hey, babe do you feel like "doing it?" DARCI (disgusted) No! You know I'm having my period, besides I'm tired. CHIP Well, so -- what about a little hummer action? DARCI FUCK THAT SHIT! You know I don't like that...Why don't you just take care of yourself and I'll watch. He stops rubbing her feet. CHIP Forget it! Then he gets up and walks out of frame. CUT TO: 7)INT. CHIP'S APARTMENT - NIGHT MASTER SHOT from side. His place is a mess. Garbage, pizza boxes, beer bottles and various debris are strewn about. He looks like he hasn't shaved or showered in days. The stereo is on and the MUSIC is BLARING. PAN OVER TO DOOR. Until there's a POUNDING on the door. He opens the door to reveal... His landlord and neighbor, LUKE PATTERSON, a (31) year-old hard working and slightly over-weight blue collar-type. LUKE HEY DUDE, CAN YOU TURN IT DOWN. IT'S LATE AND I'M TRYING TO GET SOME REST -- Chip turns off the music. The CAMERA FOLLOWS LUKE INTO THE ROOM as he takes note of the mess. LUKE Holy shit dude, what's going on? CHIP It's Darci... LUKE Oh, crap don't tell me she left you again. CHIP Yeah, but this time it's for real? LUKE Bummer what are you going tܥe# Y,Xl,XlXX X G(XXXTXBA)GTimes New Roman Symbol ArialTimes New RomanAMERICAN MAID -- Written by Steve Goodman (c) 2002 7/02 1)MED. SHOT - CHIP CHIP COLLINS (28) talks directly to the camera. CHIP They say that through failure that one learns to appreciate what is good in one's life. And that through adversity one develops character. Well, six months ago I would have said bullshit. But now, I feel different about a lot of things...you see it all started when I came home early one afternoon. 2A)INT. CHIP'S APARTMENT - FRONT DOOR - DAY CLOSE SHOT PULL OUT SLOWLY - As Chip enters the door with some flowers and candy, he tries to be quiet, to surprise his live-in girlfriend, DARCI HUME. PAN LEFT as he then walks out of frame. CHIP (V.O.) Darci and I just had another in a series of stupid fights...so I came home with candy and flowers to surprise her...and well -- she had her own little surprise in store for me. 2B)CLOSE SHOT - BEDROOM DOOR As he moves into frame. We HEAR some noise. It SOUNDS like love-making...bed squeaking, dirty-talking, people moaning...he puts his ear to the door. He can't believe what he is hearing. So, he pushes open the door only, to find Darci, a blond bombshell in her mid-twenties in bed with GREG, a (38)year old physician. The couple have just finished their sex act by now as Darci and Greg are putting their clothes back on. CHIP WHAT THE HELL'S GOING ON HERE? Greg is wearing slacks, a shirt and tie and looks like a successful business professional of some sort. DARCI (not surprised; emotionless) Oh, hi -- I didn't hear you come in. CHIP Obviously...So, are you going to explain yourself? DARCI Yeah, oh um -- by the way this is Greg...he's a dentist! CHIP Oh that's great...Hey, I didn't know you guys were making house calls these days. Chip is still in shock by this strange turn of events. Darci finishes putting on her clothes. GREG (awkwardly) Nice to meet you. CHIP Yeah, for you, considering you just screwed my girlfriend! GREG (hastily, glancing at his watch) Whoa, look at the time. I-I should be heading back to the office now...um -- He walks out of frame. CHIP Just a little afternoon delight, huh? GREG Yeah, um I call you... 3)INT. APARTMENT - FRONT DOOR AREA - MED. SHOT Greg has a disapproving expression on his face -- he tries his best to ignore Chip, as he heads out the door with Darci following closely behind him. CHIP Hey, I hope you wash your hands before you examine someone! DARCI Yeah I'll talk to you later then. GREG (curt) Yeah sure...okay -- bye. Greg exits not sure about what he had gotten himself into but finally free nevertheless...he closes the door behind him. CHIP Whoa, what the hell is going on here?! Do you mind clueing me in? DARCI Chip, it's over...I'm leaving you. I didn't have the heart to break it to you. CHIP So, you thought this would be less painful for me. Is that it? DARCI I just didn't know how else to tell you honey. CHIP Don't Honey me. Shit...This is great! You know a note would have been sufficient. She out of frame, toward the bedroom. Chip follows behind her also out of frame. CHIP So now what? I mean what brought this on in the first place? 4A) INT. BEDROOM - MASTER SHOT She moves about the room quickly opening and closing drawers and closets and cramming her things into a duffle-bag. DARCI Don't act like this is a total surprise. CHIP Well, I think you owe me some kind of explanation at this point. DARCI Okay, fine -- for starters. You're a loser and your life is going nowhere, all you ever do is sit around playing your stupid guitar day in and day out. CHIP Hello, news flash, I'm a musician -- that's what we do. DARCI Yeah well you used to be -- until your band broke up... CHIP Yeah, I know I'mo do? CHIP I don't know... LUKE Don't sweat it, you'll be better off without her in the long run. CHIP (dubious) You-you really think so? LUKE No, I was just trying to make you feel better. CHIP (crest-fallen) Thanks, thanks a lot. LUKE Meanwhile, why don't you just get out and get some fresh air. Take a walk, you know, clear your head a little? CHIP Yeah, I will -- tomorrow. LUKE Alright don't worry, everything will work out. You'll see... CHIP Alright, thanks. Luke leaves his apartment. 8)INT. LUKE'S APARTMENT - NIGHT MED. SHOT - Pam is talking on the phone and drinking a cup of coffee. PAM Don't worry sweetie, you'll find somebody soon enough. WE HEAR A DOOR OPENING AND CLOSING as Luke enters the apartment. PAM Well, that Jon was an asshole anyway! I never liked him, and the next time I see that little prick -- I'm going to give him a piece of my mind. You don't need someone like that telling you what to do all the time... (a beat) Ah Oh, hun -- I got to go, Luke's here. Luke enters into the kitchen and opens the refrigerator, he grabs a beer. LUKE (whispering) Who is it? PAM (cupping the phone) My sister... (back into phone) Okay love you too, bye. She hangs up the phone, while he swigs his beer. LUKE What was THAT all about? PAM Oh the unusual... LUKE Then I don't want to know. She takes a sip from her coffee. PAM So, why was he playing his music so loud? LUKE 'Coz Darci left him. PAM Again... LUKE Yeah. PAM When's he going to wise up and find himself a real girl? LUKE Like who? PAM My sister, she just got dumped too. LUKE I told you before that I didn't think he would be interested in her. PAM Why not, she's cute? Besides he never even met her? LUKE Because, I know she's your sister and all but let's face it. She's a flake! PAM (surprised) What, what are you talking about? LUKE Oh, come on. She's a loose cannon and a bit of drama queen. PAM Whatever, Chip's no great catch either. I'm surprised he can still pay his rent. LUKE Well, then let's do them both a favor and not get involved. PAM The least we can do is introduce them to each other...and then let whatever happens, happen. LUKE Listen to you. Look, I said I don't feel like playing matchmaker, end of story. He walks away. CAMERA ZOOMS INTO A CLOSE UP of Pam's face has a pensive look on her face, as if to say "Oh, yeah? That's what you think." Music cues up: 9)MONTAGE OF CITY WOMEN At various locations around town; Oak Street beach, Lincoln Park, Michigan Ave. Shot in slow motion...city gals looking attractive and unattainable. Chip looks heart broken as he see one fine babe after another all "too busy" to give him the time of day. CHIP (V.O.) The next few days turned into weeks and...I was having what you may call a dry spell. My confidence was shot 'coz I kept thinking about Darci and Greg going at it in my apartment on my favorite comforter. 10)INT. CHIP'S APARTMENT - (QUICK FLASHBACK) Black and white footage depicting the surreal drama of the scene in SLOW MOTION, like a bad reenactment on a tabloid-type TV show. Darci and Greg are shamelessly "abusing" his comforter as they continue their love-making. They are shot from the waist up -- Darci in a bra and Greg with his shirt off. 11A) CLOSE SHOT - CHIP Waking up in bed suddenly. He tears off the comforter and stuffs it into a garbage bag. CHIP (V.O.) I dry cleaned it three times and it still seemed soiled so I just threw the damn thing it away. 11B)CLOSE SHOT - BACK DOOR He tosses the bag onto the porch, and slams the door shut quickly. CHIP (V.O.) But that didn't change my predicament...You see I had been out of the dating scene for quite a while. Before I met Darci my band was really happening and I had back to back girlfriends for the first time in my life. Even being in a shitty band you get your fair share of groupies. Not that we we're shitty but now I was bandless, chickless and clueless as to how to approach women. 12A)EXT. STREET - DAY Chip approaches a park. 12B)MED. SHOT Chip walking through the park. 12C)CLOSE SHOT - PARK BENCH He sees an attractive young woman sitting on a bench reading a book and finishing her lunch. He likes what he sees, so he slowly turns around and pulls a dog leash from his coat pocket. He cautiously approaches her. CHIP (somewhat frantic) Hey, have you seen a gray cocker Spaniel running around here? YOUNG WOMAN (annoyed) What? CHIP My dog I -- YOUNG WOMAN Right, you expect me to believe that? CHIP What -- what do you mean? YOUNG WOMAN I mean what do you want! CHIP Nothing -- I'm looking for my dog... YOUNG WOMAN What? You think just 'coz I'm alone that I wanted someone to come up to me to ask me out? CHIP No, who said I was going to ask you out? YOUNG WOMAN You think I'm stupid, right? CHIP (exasperated) No, why -- why would I make this up? YOUNG WOMAN (emotionless) Because you're desperate...on the rebound, and you still have that just dumped freshness about you. So now you think that you'll never ever be with another woman again. CHIP (he's amazed but trying to hide it) Look lady, I have to find my dog! YOUNG WOMAN So, you're saying that you weren't trying to ask me out? CHIP No -- (melting down) You know what? So what if I was? Is that such a crime? YOUNG WOMAN Well no, not if I actually wanted you to ask me out? But first of all, you're not my type and second, I already have a boyfriend. She stands up and gathers her stuff. YOUNG WOMAN Hell, it's getting so a girl can't just sit quietly in the park without being annoyed by some weirdo. CHIP Weirdo? You're the weirdo! YOUNG WOMAN I'm the weirdo? No, I think you're the weirdo. CHIP What I'm weird for coming up and talking to you? YOUNG WOMAN Yeah! CHIP Then that's more of an indictment of you rather than me. You're paranoid and suspicious and probably not even in love with your boyfriend, so what do you think about that? YOUNG WOMAN Whatever! Freako... She storms off. Luke comes jogging over sweating and looking like he's ready to keel over. They both plop down onto the bench. He pulls a plastic water bottle out of his pocket and takes a swig. LUKE (winded) Oh man, I am so out of shape. Pam's all over me to exchange this (grabbing his gut) spare tire for a six pack...I'd rather just down a six pack to tell you the truth. So, scared another one away huh? CHIP Yeah... LUKE Don't tell me you tried the lost dog thing again... CHIP Yeah I did. LUKE That is so lame, I told you that crap never works. You have to be more original than that! CHIP I know -- I'm still a little rusty. LUKE That's understandable. Pam thinks I should just fix you up with her sister. CHIP No offense, I love Pam to death but her sister sounds like a nut-job. LUKE You never even met her. How do you know? CHIP Weren't you telling me that she was a struggling actress. And that she joined some new age cult and had to be de-programmed or something? LUKE Yeah... CHIP Well! LUKE So, she's not perfect? Who is nowadays? CHIP Well, I maybe desperate, but I'm not that desperate. LUKE Yet? You never know, though. But I'm telling you, she's cute. If I wasn't married to Pam, I'd do her. CHIP I don't know, it just sounds like a lot of pressure. And then if it doesn't work out I still have to deal with Pam's bullshit, no thanks. LUKE Yeah, I guess you're right -- she can be a ball-buster, that's for sure. He takes a gulp from his water bottle. LUKE Well, I feel for you man. Thank god I met Pam when I was still young enough to impress the ladies. It's brutal out there. CHIP You got that right. LUKE Well, at least you still have your looks, so to speak. All I do is work, eat, sleep and vegetate... CHIP Yeah, well I just need some time to re-group that's all. Luke thinks for a moment. LUKE Do you know what the real problem is? CHIP No what? LUKE It's American Women, man! They have all the power. And they don't even need us for shit. They have great paying jobs and can get laid anytime they want. And most don't even want to get married. Either that or they'd rather be with chicks. CHIP Tell me about it, it's down right depressing. LUKE Yeah and then what about the ones who do pretend like they want you... CHIP Yeah, only until you find out that they're just using you for your money. LUKE Right...What's the first thing out of their mouths? CHIP What do you do for a living? LUKE Exactly, it's like their fucking mantra. CHIP Could they be anymore obvious? LUKE It's no different then if they asked you what kind of car you drove, how much money do you make or what's your penis size? CHIP I know, if I wanted to meet a girl who just wanted me for my money -- I'd go straight down to the local titty bar and cut right through all that bullshit! And then just hand her a couple hundred dollars. LUKE You're absolutely right...at least when it's all over, there's no illusions about what went down. Luke thinks for a moment. LUKE Dude, do you know what you should do? CHIP No what? LUKE Get yourself a mail order bride. CHIP What? Are you're serious? LUKE My Uncle did it and now he's married to this beautiful Vietnamese chick. Or I think she's Thai... He ponders this useless fact. CHIP Go on... LUKE Anyway, the point is that she's respectful and considerate and not at all spoiled by our culture. They seem happy together. CHIP I don't know dude, I hear they just use you for the green card or something. Besides, I don't have money to go traveling abroad to find a -- LUKE -- A broad. Hey that sort of rhymes or something. CHIP No that doesn't, it's just a play on words. Let's get out of here. They get up and head homeward. LUKE Oh, well -- anyways. You don't have to go anywhere. Just check the classifieds, they're already here looking for their Mr. America. CHIP (shaking his head) I don't know... LUKE Come on, what do you have to lose? CHIP Um, nothing... LUKE That's right, nothing. So, leave it all up to me I've got a plan. 13)CLOSE SHOT - CLASSIFIEDS AD It reads: MAIDEN POLAND CLEANING service. DISSOLVE TO: 14)EXT. CITY SKYLINE - DAY LONG SHOT - PAN UP TO the skyline in the background. Another glorious day. DISSOLVE TO: 15)EXT. CHIP'S APARTMENT MED. SHOT - PAN UP towards his apartment. 16A)INT. CHIP'S APARTMENT - DAY (A FEW DAYS LATER) MED. SHOT - He tries to play guitar a little but is still too depressed. He puts down the guitar and picks up a bag of chips and starts chomping them furiously one right after another. Suddenly there's a KNOCK at the door. 16B)SHOT - THRU PEEP HOLE. He sees a young ETHNIC WOMAN. 16C)MED. SHOT - He brushes the crumbs off his face and then opens the door. CHIP Yes... ETHNIC WOMAN (in an Eastern European accent) Hi, I here to clean apartment... CHIP What...I didn't -- I didn't call anyone. THE CAMERA PANS WITH HER as she makes her way into the disheveled room. ETHNIC WOMAN I'm sorry my English is not so good. CHIP Well, I'm sorry I didn't order you? I don't have money -- (slowly and louder) NO MON-EY! ETHNIC WOMAN No, money...no money. I pay already. CHIP Pay? Oh -- you mean someone paid you? ETHNIC WOMAN Yes...that's what I say. CHIP Who paid you, Luke? ETHNIC WOMAN I don't know. I clean for you, now. CHIP (to himself) Shit, don't tell me he went through with this mail order bride thing? ETHNIC WOMAN What? CHIP No nothing. Come on in I guess, um... He starts straightening up the place. CHIP Can I give you a hand? The place is kind of messy. ETHNIC WOMAN No, I clean -- you sit. CHIP Okay, what's your name? ETHNIC WOMAN My name is Kasia. CHIP Nice to meet you. KASIA And you? CHIP Oh, um -- Chip. KASIA (pronouncing it like SHIT) Chit... CHIP No, no, um -- (he grabs the back of chips and shows them to her) CHIP... He eats one. KASIA Oh, okay...Chipt. CHIP Yeah, Chipt...close enough. She takes off her coat and reveals that she is wearing tight spandex pants, like runner's wear and a skimpy T-shirt. She has a great body. Chip can't take his eyes off of her as she moves about the room bending over, straining and stretching to get every nook and cranny cleaned. Chip smiles as he watches her work. She smiles back. DISSOLVE TO: 17)ANOTHER ANGLE - THE ROOM Finally a few hours later, she is done. She moves toward the door. CHIP Well, thanks a lot. KASIA You're welcome. (suggestively) Do you need anything else? CHIP Like what? ETHNIC WOMAN Like you know -- laundry. Dirty clothes clean? CHIP Oh, no -- that's okay. KASIA Okay, then I go now. CHIP Thanks, here's a little something for you. He hands her five dollars. A beat. KASIA Thanks. CHIP You're welcome. So, Kasia are you um, single? KASIA Yes... CHIP (surprised) You are? KASIA I just moved here? CHIP From where? KASIA From Poland. I stay with my Aunt and Uncle. CHIP So you've only been here a short time then huh? KASIA Yes, in my country I had very good job as computer programmer. But now I need to learn English first to get a similar job here. So I do this while I go to school to learn the language at night. CHIP Oh that's cool. So, have you had a chance to check out the city yet? KASIA No, I have not had time. CHIP Well, I can show you around sometime if you want? KASIA Sure, I would like that very much. CHIP Great okay, well why don't you write down your number and I'll give you a call? KASIA Sure, okay...I do that. She jots down her information onto a piece of paper and hands it to him. CHIP Great, well -- thanks, I'll call you soon. KASIA Okay, goodbye. Have nice day. He closes the door behind her but it doesn't close all the way. CHIP YESS!!! He does a little victory dance. Kasia reopens the door and pokes her head in the room. Chip is caught off guard as he turns around. KASIA I forgot my coat. CHIP Okay, this isn't too awkward. Here you are... He hands her the coat. CHIP And we'll just pretend like you didn't see that... KASIA Okay, I go for real, this time. You dance if you like. CHIP Thanks that's kind of you. He closes the door securely this time. CHIP (V.O.) The next few weeks rolled by like a blur. But it was great -- it felt like a dark cloud had finally passed overhead and to replace it was sunshine... 18A)MONTAGE -- SERIES OF SHOTS Chip picks up Kasia in front of her apartment. CHIP (V.O.) in the form of Kasia. Once we got over our language barrier we really started enjoying each other's company. 18B)INT. CAR - MED. SHOT Next they are seen driving around the city. (B roll footage)Past various landmarks: Hard Rock Cafe, 50's McDonalds, Navy Pier, Michigan Avenue, Sears Tower, The House of Blues, etc. 19A)EXT. LAKE STREET BRIDGE - DAY MED. SHOT - They are silhouetted against the Chicago backdrop of the buildings and the Chicago River, it's a great view. CHIP So what do you think about the city so far? KASIA It's very nice, but a little scary. CHIP What do you mean? KASIA It's very big, with so many peoples. CHIP It's people, but yeah, I know what you're saying. KASIA I prefer the country. CHIP Yeah, me too. I mean I lived here my whole life, but I'm still not used to it. A beat, as he notices Kasia's genuine natural beauty...perhaps for the first time. 19B)CLOSE SHOT - THE COUPLE KASIA What? CHIP No, nothing. It's just that you're a very beautiful girl. KASIA You are nice too. You have nice eyes. There's a certain chemistry between them. CHIP So do you. He grabs her hand. CHIP You know how they say that the eyes are the windows to the soul? KASIA Yes. CHIP Well, what most don't know is that the mouth is actually the doorway to the soul. KASIA What do you mean? CHIP Here I'll show you. He kisses her on the lips. CHIP Did you feel that? KASIA Yes, it's like our souls become joined. CHIP That's right... They kiss again -- more passionately this time. KASIA Perhaps, we should get going? CHIP Yeah, it is getting kind of late. They walk out of frame. 20A)INT. LUKE'S APARTMENT - KITCHEN -DAY MED. SHOT - Luke is speaking to someone whose back is turned to us. LUKE What do you mean, you can't go through with this? As soon as she speaks we realize it's Kasia, only now she speaks perfect English. 20B) REVERSE ANGLE - KASIA KASIA 'Coz I feel bad. LUKE About what? KASIA Because I'm starting to really like him. LUKE Well, this was your idea. What did you think would happen? KASIA I don't know. I guess I wasn't thinking. I mean I just thought we'd have a good time together and that was it. LUKE Well, you're going to have be the one to tell him. 21)INT. CHIP'S APARTMENT - DAY (A FEW DAYS LATER) MED. SHOT - Chip is sitting around strumming an acoustic guitar. 22A) CHIP Looks over at the clock and then puts down the guitar... CHIP Where the fuck is this guy? Picks up the phone and dials. CHIP Hi, yeah -- I'm calling for Thoth? Yeah, it's Chip, I'm his guitar instructor.... Huh, oh. Alright, well just tell him I called. Thanks, bye. He hangs up the phone... The DOORBELL RINGS. CHIP Finely! 22B) CLOSE SHOT - Chip goes over to a button on the wall and presses the BUZZER to let his next client in. 23)INT. CHIP'S APARTMENT - FRONT DOOR - DAY MED. SHOT - In walks Fred, an eccentric guy in his late 30's. CHIP Fred, what's going on what are you doing here? FRED Nothing, I got those pictures to add to the site. And I think I want to change the name too, if you're not busy that is. CHIP Not anymore, to what? FRED I don't know, I was thinking something like HEADSUP.COM CHIP Explain this concept again. FRED Well, basically I'm selling motorcycle helmets that are made to look exactly like football helmets. CHIP Right, well, wouldn't they just use a football helmet? FRED 'Coz this is an actual motorcycle helmet with the visor and everything, painted to look like your football team. CHIP Oh, I see... (dubious) And you think people are really going to buy this? FRED Well, I wear mine all the time and people are constantly stopping me on the street asking where they can get one. CHIP Hmm, maybe you are on to something. FRED I know I am. "The greatest achievement was at first and for a time a dream. The oaks sleeps in the acorn; the bird waits in the egg; and in the highest vision of the soul a waking angel stirs." A beat. CHIP Fred? FRED What... CHIP What kind of drugs are you on? FRED Very funny...So what kind of computer to you got there? CHIP Oh, it's just a Hewlett Packard. Why do you ask? FRED (overly enthusiastic) Oh man -- you should have gotten a Dell! Chip has a puzzled look. CUT TO: 24A)EXT. MOVIE THEATRE - AFTERNOON LONG SHOT - We see Chip and Kasia -- walking out of the movie theatre. KASIA (reluctantly) Chip, there's something I have to tell you. CHIP What's that? Shit. I hope it's nothing bad 'coz Darci called me today and it really set me off. She's still a bitch! KASIA What did she want? CHIP No, just to rub it in about how great her life is going since we broke up. KASIA Oh... CHIP I told her I didn't care, 'coz now I'm seeing you and I'm happy for the first time in my life. 24B)EXT. LAKE SHORE - DAY They are at the lake-front, strolling down the beach on a glorious summer day...the conversation continuing. CHIP So what did you want to tell me? She looks like she's grappling with the truth but she loses her nerve. KASIA No -- just that I'm happy too. CHIP (V.O.) Everything was going perfect, I feel like my life was finally coming together for me. Kasia and I were taking things slow. And that was fine with me. 25)INT. CHIP'S CAR - NIGHT MED. SHOT - (FOREST PRESERVES OR BEACH) Chip and Kasia are parked at a secluded spot. They look like they have been making out. KASIA No, I don't think we should do this just yet. CHIP Do what -- we haven't even done anything. KASIA That's what I mean. I'm not ready to sleep with you. CHIP Who said anything about that. I just want to be with you...besides there's other things we can do. KASIA (slightly put off) Oh, like what? CHIP Like I think you know. KASIA No, tell me what you want. CHIP Well, in America we have an expression it's called a Hummer. KASIA What is hummer? CHIP You know -- it's when a women uses her mouth on a man in a private area. KASIA You mean like a forest preserve? CHIP Huh, what...oh, no not like that. I mean -- KASIA (playfully) I know what you mean and that's a very bad thing! CHIP (nervously; speaking fast) I know, but that's what makes it fun! I mean, shit -- Kasia you know I care about you a lot. And I respect the fact that you don't want to sleep together just yet...But I'm a man and I have urges and well -- You know how my last relationship ended. I'm starting to get a complex about myself. KASIA What do you mean? CHIP Like maybe chicks don't dig me or something? KASIA Shut up and take off your pants already you don't have to beg. Kasia has a bemused look on her face. 26)OMITTED 27)EXT. CHIP'S APARTMENT - DAY (A FEW DAYS LATER) LONG SHOT - Chip comes pulling up just as Kasia is seen entering his apartment building. He quickly exits the car and hurries to catch up with her. 28)INT. CHIP'S APARTMENT BUILDING - DAY MED. SHOT - Looking up stairwell. He's confused because she's going into Luke's apartment. And then he stands outside Luke's door, eavesdropping. He can barely hear them. 29)INT. LUKE'S APARTMENT - DINNING ROOM AREA MED. SHOT KASIA We have to tell him! LUKE You tell him, it was your idea. Chip opens the door. CHIP Why don't you both tell me? I can't believe this shit is happening again! KASIA No, it's not what you think. LUKE Yeah, what are you talking about? CHIP Hey, what happened to your accent? LUKE Sit down we have some explaining to do. DISSOLVE TO: 30)INT. LUKE'S APARTMENT - DINING ROOM - ANOTHER ANGLE LUKE So, Kathy and her sister had this idea to pretend like she was from Poland. To help you overcome your dry spell. KASIA/KATHY I know now, it was a bad idea. But please don't hate me. I really like you and -- I didn't know that this would turn into something serious. I just thought we'd have fun and that was it. Please don't be mad. CHIP I'm not mad. LUKE I would be. KATHY (to Luke) Thanks a lot... LUKE What? CHIP Well, at least it's not as bad as if you guys were really cheating on me. LUKE Yeah, I guess that's true. So then we're cool buddy? CHIP Yeah... LUKE Okay, well I'll leave you two alone to patch things up. Luke leaves the room. KATHY So you're really not mad at me? CHIP No, I'm not. KATHY (sincere) You sure? CHIP Yes... KATHY Well, c-could we still see each other? CHIP Sure, I'd like that very much. KATHY Me too. Then let's go. CHIP Where? KATHY To your apartment. CHIP What for? They get up and leave Luke's apartment together. 31)INT. CHIP'S APARTMENT BUILDING - HALLWAY MED. SHOT - WALKWAY FACING CHIP'S APARTMENT. KATHY (she winks) You'll see... CHIP Okay -- They enter Chip's. 32)INT. CHIP'S APARTMENT MED. SHOT - FACING FRONT DOOR CHIP But I have one favor to ask. KATHY What's that? CHIP Can you talk in the accent again, it really turns me on. KATHY (with accent) Sure, you mean like this? CHIP That's it -- just the way I like it. Chip closes the door. FADE OUT: THE END. 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